Actually Taken From Classified Ads In Newspapers:

Free Yorkshire Terrier. 8 Years Old. Hateful Little Dog. Bites.

Free Puppies: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 Sneaky Fence Scaling Neighbor’s Dog.

Free Puppies… Part German Shepherd, Part Stupid Dog.

German Shepherd 85 Lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.

Found: Dirty White Dog. Looks Like A Wet Rat… Been Out Awhile… Better Be A Reward.

1 Man, 7 Woman Hot Tub $850/Offer

Snow Blower For Sale … Only Used On Snowy Days.

Cows, Calves Never Bred… Also 1 Gay Bull For Sale.

Nordic Track $300 Hardly Used, Call Chubby.

Hummers Largest Selection Ever “If It’s In Stock, We Have It!”

Georgia Peaches, California Grown 89 Cents Lb.

Inherited: Nice Parachute, Never Opened Used Once.

Tired Of Working For Only $9.75 Per Hour? We Offer Profit Sharing And Flexible Hours. Starting Pay: $7-$9 Per Hour.

Exercise Equipment: Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs $175.

Sale By Owner: Complete Set Of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 Volumes. Excellent Condition. $1,000.00 Or Best Offer. No Longer Needed. Got Married Last Month. Wife Knows Everything