DO I HAVE TO FORGIVE?

There's a story in the Bible about Peter that makes me laugh every time I read it. Peter was a disciple of Jesus who had a brother named Andrew (who was also a disciple of Jesus). At one point, Peter asked Jesus a question:

“Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times." Matthew 18:21-22

So, why do I laugh when I read this? I grew up as the oldest of four kids so I can't help but read this passage without the filter of that bias. From the moment I first read this passage, I imagined Peter glaring at Andrew as he essentially asked Jesus "how many times do I have to forgive my wicked, slimy, no good, double-crossing, swindling, scheming brother?" I easily imagine Andrew repeatedly getting under Peter's skin and Peter wanting Jesus to put Andrew in his place. This behavior would certainly fall right in line with the long and rich history of one brother (or sister) trying to get another brother in trouble. I know that was certainly my experience.

But, imagination aside, it's much more likely that Peter's question was simply a general question in response to what Jesus had already been teaching about forgiveness. So, giving Peter the benefit of the doubt, we should take note of a couple of things going on in this passage:

• Peter understands that he is supposed to forgive.
• Peter thinks it is a great matter to forgive seven times.

As a Jewish man, Peter would have been taught that God extends forgiveness "for three transgressions but sends judgment after four" (Amos 2:1). So, by asking Jesus if he was supposed to forgive seven times, Peter likely thought he was being incredibly generous. Peter was probably expecting an "attaboy" or some other affirmation from Jesus. If so, he was likely deflated when Jesus replied (paraphrased) "there is no limit to how many times you should forgive." Later, Jesus put His words into action as He modeled what forgiveness looks like.

Consider this:

After Jesus had been betrayed
After Jesus had been put through an illegal trial
After Jesus had been mocked
After Jesus had been beaten and whipped
After Jesus had been stripped naked
After Jesus had been forced to carry His own execution device through hostile crowds
After Jesus had been nailed to a cross and hanged to die in excruciating agony
After Jesus had been taunted to prove Himself by coming off the cross
After Jesus had been jeered at by the criminals being executed next to him
After Jesus had to push Himself up using the nails in his feet just so He could breathe...

He was still somehow able to say "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." Luke 22:34

He didn't say those words hoping that they would change their minds and release Him. He said those words because He knew what would happen if the full wrath of God was poured out on the world. He said those words because He knew that there were some there who would eventually repent and turn to God and that without forgiveness, that could never happen.

If there was ever someone who would have been justified for not forgiving, it would have been Jesus. Yet Jesus did forgive and in so doing, showed the world that forgiveness has no limits. There is no one that can possibly say that they were treated worse than Jesus was treated and that it's OK not to forgive.

Consider this... If someone comes to you who has done you great harm and they sincerely ask you for forgiveness and you choose to give it to them, you are following the example modeled by Jesus. But there's more; you also take a great load off of two people - them and you.

But maybe there are people who have harmed you that don't ask you for forgiveness. Maybe there are people who have hurt you and either don't realize it or they don't care. Even worse... maybe there are people that know they hurt you and are energized by it! What then?

There is still great freedom that comes when we let go of that hurt and choose to forgive. When we forgive, we follow the example that Jesus modeled for us AND we free ourselves from a heavy, crippling weight that adds to the harm already done to us.

So how do we let go?

Several years ago, I was sitting down at a restaurant thinking on this very thing and a thought came to me. I quickly grabbed a napkin and a pen and wrote this down:

Forgiveness comes when we take a long, thoughtful look at the person who wronged us, recognize the depth of the brokenness of the person who wronged us, and look on their brokenness with an equal measure of compassion.

I believe that's how Jesus was able to forgive those who harmed him as He was suffering on the cross (which, by the way, includes all of humanity - not just those with Him at the time). He saw our brokenness and looked upon that brokenness with compassion. If we sincerely pray for the willingness and the ability to look upon the brokenness of the people that have hurt us and respond with compassion, we can be confident that God will honor that prayer and free us from the hurt that has kept us from letting go.