About Vampires, Werewolves and True Love

A few weeks ago I asked our students to tell me about this phenomenon  sweeping the nation called “The Twilight Saga”. These are a series of books and movies about vampires, werewolves and love (and a very “hot” guy named Jacob if you believe some of the girls). Yeah, I know… I don’t get it either. Several of the students gave me a very dynamic summary of the storyline but finally had to give up because there wasn’t enough time and there was just way too much information to properly tell the story.

But What About Our Story?

I then asked them to tell me about our story. The one found in the Bible. The one that tells of the love of God for us. The telling of that story wasn’t nearly as dynamic and was spotty in a few places. There  were no complaints that they didn’t have enough time and that there was way too much information to properly tell the story.

Nooooo… He Didn’t Just Say That… Did He?

So I asked them what happened in the retelling of our story. The retelling of the vampire story was detailed and energetic. Not so much with  our story. Then one of our students put it as bluntly as I’ve ever heard it. He said “Girls don’t find Jesus hot.”

Say Again???

Yeah, that kinda took me back for a second, too, because that statement on the surface is unsettling. However, I immediately recognized the wisdom and truth in that statement. That one statement is a fairly accurate and unfortunate summary regarding the mindset of society as a whole. We’ve managed to push Jesus aside for the next “hot” thing. This isn’t just a youth thing, either. I suspect if I would’ve asked adults to do the same thing, many of them would’ve responded in the exact same way. Fortunately, this is a problem that resolves itself. All it requires is that we take a good look at our story, its hero, its triumphant ending and take it to heart. Ours truly is “The Greatest Story Ever Told!”

“There is no in-between — you’re either good or bad. Today we’re in-between.” – soccer player Gary Lineker

Dispatcher: 911  Caller: Help! Help! Send the Police! I’ve been shot!  Dispatcher: You said you’ve been shot?  Caller: I’ve been shot!  Dispatcher: How many times were you shot?  Caller: This is the first time.” – actual call to 911

Customer: I can’t get my diskette out.  Tech support: Have you tried pushing buttons?  Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.  Tech support: That doesn’t sound good. I’ll make a note.  Customer: No… wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry. – call to tech support

“On a scale of 1 to 10, I would say 60-65 percent.” NBA union rep talking about how far apart the union and the owners were in negotiations

“During the performance half of you were sleeping, half of you were talking, and the other half of you were flat out being rude!” – 7th grade math teacher to her class

“The sun has been there for 500, 600 years…” Mets outfielder Mike Cameron after teammate Carlos Beltran lost a ball in the sun during a game

“Reason for more bear sightings… More Bears” – newspaper headline

Lawyer: Now, doctor, which way would someone fall after receiving a twelve-gauge shotgun blast directly to the chest? Witness: Down. – courtroom testimony

“Show me the verbal agreement! Show me the verbal agreement!” – Sault Ste. Marie mayor

Too many times we are a mediocre people content to live mediocre lives and accomplish mediocre things. These tendencies toward mediocrity do not compel us to seek great things from God. If we profess that “Our God is Greater” (see Chris Tomlin song for reference), then we have to believe that God doesn’t call us to achieve mediocre things.

Also,

• If our God is greater, that means He doesn’t call us to be comfortable.
• If our God is greater, then we must go beyond looking at what is possible and start looking at the impossible.
• If our God is greater, than that means our vision must be greater.
• If our vision is to reach and be relevant to other church goers then our vision is way too short sighted. That’s why we must filter our vision by looking through God sized lenses so that our vision compels us to reach the lost and be relevant to a community and generation that is radically different from the one that was here 20, 50, and 100 years ago. We must then be willing to reevaluate every aspect of everything we do and change those areas that fall short of achieving that God-sized vision.

The latest ploy to drive the Taliban and Al-Qaeda out of the mountains of Afghanistan is to send in a team of Redneck Special Forces (USRSF). Billy Bob, Billy Ray, Bubba Ray, Joey, and Skinny Joey are being sent in with the following rules of engagement:

1. There is no limit.
2. The season opened last weekend.
3. They taste like chicken.
4. They don’t like beer, pickup trucks, country music or Jesus.
5. They don’t like barbecue.
6. They were responsible for Dale Earnhardt’s death.

Should be over in about a week.

THINGS THAT IRRITATE A SANE PERSON

• There are always one or two ice cubes that won’t pop out of the tray. 
• You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint. 
• The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing. 
• A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling. 
• You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am. 
• The radio station doesn’t tell you who sang that song. 
• You rub on hand cream and can’t turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.

• Thoroughly clean the toilet. 
• Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted. 
• Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 
• In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any thing they can find. 
• Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “power wash and rinse” which I have found to be quite effective. 
• Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door. 
• Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. 
• The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.