THINGS THAT IRRITATE A SANE PERSON There are always one or two ice cubes that won’t pop out of the tray.  You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.  The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.  A […]

Thoroughly clean the toilet.  Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.  Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.  In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so […]

Actually Taken From Classified Ads In Newspapers: Free Yorkshire Terrier. 8 Years Old. Hateful Little Dog. Bites. Free Puppies: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 Sneaky Fence Scaling Neighbor’s Dog. Free Puppies… Part German Shepherd, Part Stupid Dog. German Shepherd 85 Lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free. Found: Dirty White Dog. Looks Like A Wet Rat… Been Out […]

Note: The following message was sent out to nearly everyone in the mid-late 80s. It is still one of the greatest gags of all time… The Invisible Killer Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the […]

Some thoughtful information for those who are daughters, were daughters, have daughters, intend to have daughters, or intend to date a daughter. Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front […]

This is a collection of complaints about various aircraft submitted by U.S. Air Force pilots, and the replies to those complaints from Air Force Mechanics. Each complaint in the log book must be followed by the mechanics report and sign-off. Problem: “Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.” Solution: “Almost replaced left inside main tire. […]

· In a safari park: “Elephants Please Stay in Your Car.” · On a pamphlet: “If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.” · At a repair shop: “We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door-the bell doesn’t work.)” · In a health food store window: “Closed due […]